The Terror of Detox
by Paige42
Summary: The 8th and final installment of "The Vacation Series". The drunken trio find themselves facing two mortal enemies; MacGyver and sobriety.


TITLE: The Terror of Detox 1/1  
  
AUTHOR: Sam (Lestrade221@aol.com)  
  
RATING: PG  
  
FEEDBACK: Do you remember me? If so, don't say anything to anyone.  
  
DISCLAIMER: All established characters belong to a group of people a hell of alot richer than me.   
  
This is the 8th an FINAL installment of the "Vacation Series". I'm sorry it took so long to write, but I've been very busy and writer's blocked. I hope this makes up for it. If not, hey. I'm only human.  
  
Dedicated to everyone who pestered me to finish it. I'm glad you like me :-)  
  
______________________________________________________________________  
  
SATURDAY- THE LAST DAY  
  
MacGyver opened the door and dropped his mail on the counter. Twenty-three hours on a plane. It was enough to drive even the most even tempered man insane. His answering machine flashed angrily at him. He reached for the button, sighing. All he wanted to do now was to put on a western, fall asleep and have a nice dream. Yes, to watch a western... on a TV that wasn't there. To fall asleep... on a couch that wasn't there. In fact, there were a lot of things that weren't there. Just about everything that was there wasn't there. No. No no no. Not again. Twice was enough, but a third time. Okay, Dalton didn't do it the second time. But it was still one time too many. He punched the answering machine button. "Hey Mr. MacFizer... MacGiver... MacGyi... sir. Um, we got a guy that would like to meet you. Is that right, Jack? Ouch, okay! Please meet him at Mr. Dalton's air hanger." Then there was a giggle. "Or else the duct tape gets it. Ouch! I thought it was funny." It ended there. Okay, either that person is an actor friend of Jack Dalton's or he was really drunk. The machine beeped and another message came on. "Mr. MacGyver, this is Major General Hammond of the United States Air Force. I have something very strange to tell you."  
  
~*~  
  
Major Sam Carter held her tongue out, a bottle of Mike's Hard Lemonade dangling from her fingers above her head. One final drop clung to the mouth of the bottle, trying it's hardest to defy the laws of gravity.   
  
Doctor Daniel Jackson and Colonel Jack O'Neill watched her from across the room, their mouths hung open in awe. Daniel sighed. "That's the sexiest thing I've ever seen."  
  
Jack shook his head. "You didn't see her in the mid drift."  
  
"I dunno. That blue dress the Shavidi made her wear was good."  
  
"Oh yeah. Forgot about that one. You know, that really did work for me."  
  
Daniel held out his bottle. "Here here." They clinked. Suddenly an engine roared outside.  
  
Jack did his best to jump to his feet, but ended up in Daniel's lap. "We're up."  
  
Sam laughed. "You're not."  
  
"Funny. Let's go." Jack ran to the side of the U-Haul they had "borrowed" from a nearby lot.  
  
The door at the end of the hanger opened and a man walked through. "Hello?"  
  
"Hello," Jack answered. "How's it going?"  
  
"Well, it'd be better if I could take a nap." MacGyver moved into the light.  
  
Daniel started to laugh. "Nineteen eighty-six called. They want their hair back."  
  
Sam laughed hysterically from across the room and fell to the side.  
  
MacGyver absently brushed his long hockey hair back. "Funny."  
  
Jack sighed. "No, not really."  
  
"Aw!" Daniel cried.  
  
MacGyver tried not to smile. "So, what exactly is it that you want?"  
  
Jack opened his mouth, only to close it again slowly.   
  
"Uh, yea. What did we want?" Daniel finished off the bottle in his hand.  
  
"Yeah sir. You never actually did establish why it was we did this."  
  
"I thought you were going to remember, Carter."  
  
"Why is it always my job? You've got a brain, sir. Why didn't you remember?"  
  
"Hey, I've got a brain too," Daniel complained. "I could have remembered!"  
  
"Well," Jack said turning to him, "do you?"  
  
"Pfft, no. It was Sam's job."  
  
"Ah not to break up the banter here, but I've got an idea." MacGyver jumped in.  
  
Jack spun around to look at him. "Like what?"  
  
MacGyver gave a thumbs up sign. "Detox?"  
  
Suddenly the hanger was flooded with light. Men in black rushed in from every door and window. The main hanger door opened and General Hammond and Doctor Frasier walked in.  
  
"No!" Daniel screamed as he tried to run away. There was a scramble, but after about ten minutes, three of the members of SG-1 were tightly bound in straight jackets.  
  
General Hammond shook MacGyver's hand. "Thank you very much for your help. If there's anything we can do to repay you..."  
  
"You could lend me some of those commandos. I need a little help moving back in."  
  
~*~  
  
SUNDAY- THE DAY AFTER  
  
Teal'c came into the gate room, staff weapon in hand. "Genneralhammond, is SG-1 still scheduled for a mission this evening?"  
  
"Yes Teal'c," Hammond's voice boomed over the PA system. "The rest of your team... should be joining you shortly." The gate room door opened to reveal three figures.  
  
Colonel Jack O'Neill shuffled towards Teal'c, a large pair of sunglasses slung across his face.  
  
"O'Neill." Teal's greeted him.  
  
Jack moved his head slowly to the side to acknowledge him. "Teee..." He sighed and rubbed his temple.  
  
Major Sam Carter slowly moved her foot one in front of the other, rolling her heels to cut down on sound. "There's a cockroach by the gate."  
  
Teal'c looked where she was looking. "Where do you see it, Majorcarter?"  
  
"I didn't. I can hear it skittering across the floor." She moved next to Jack.  
  
Thump, thump, drag. Thump, thump, drag. Thump, thump, drag.  
  
Tealc' looked to the door again.  
  
Daniel threw out his left arm. Thump. Then threw out his right arm. Thump. Then he pulled himself across the floor. Drag. Twenty minutes later, he had made it to the gate ramp.  
  
"Danieljackson, I trust you enjoyed your vacation."  
  
Daniel hiccuped and the three of them all turned slightly green. "Never again."  
  
The final chevron engaged and the gate did it's typical KAWOOSH!  
  
General Hammond smiled as three sets of screams of pain emanated from the gate room. "That'll teach them."  
  
_________________________________END_________________________________  
  
Well kids, I hope you enjoyed them. Feedback is, as always, muchly appreciated.  
  
For those of you just joining us, "The Vacation Series" is:  
  
"Too Many Memories", "The Mystery of the Coolsville Kids", "The Legend of Drunken Dodgeball Master", "Midnight In The Garden of Drunk and Sober", "Act Your Shoe Size", "The Chant of the Tribe", and "October Fools". 


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